The Definitive Playbook for How to Get Over an Ex

Let’s be honest, the end of a relationship feels less like a gentle closing of a chapter and more like someone’s chucked the entire book into a bonfire. Your phone, once a source of dopamine hits, now feels like a dead weight in your pocket. Every song on the radio seems to be a personal attack. Navigating a heart break is brutal, and anyone who tells you to just “get over it” has probably never had their world properly rocked.

But here’s the thing: you will get over it. It’s not a race, and there’s no medal for finishing first. It’s a process of rebuilding, rediscovering, and, frankly, remembering who you were before your world became a two-person show. This is your playbook for how to get over an ex, not by erasing the past, but by building a future that’s entirely your own.

Phase One: Acknowledge the Hit and Let It Hurt

Right now, you’re probably in the thick of it. The pain is sharp, real, and consuming. The absolute worst thing you can do is pretend it isn’t there. Trying to suppress the gut-punch of a breakup is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater; it’s going to pop up eventually, and probably smack you in the face.

So, give yourself permission to grieve. Be angry. Be sad. Be confused. Your feelings are valid. This isn’t about wallowing; it’s about processing. Think of it like a physical injury. You wouldn’t run a marathon on a broken leg, would you? Your heart needs a similar kind of respect and recovery time. Acknowledge the pain to begin to heal from it.

Phase Two: Go Dark (The No-Contact Mandate)

This is the toughest but most crucial rule in the breakup playbook: you must cut contact. I know, I know. You want to check in. You want to see how they are. You want that one last conversation for “closure.” Stop.

True closure comes from within, not from a text message. The no-contact rule isn’t a game; it’s a boundary you set for your own sanity.

• Delete the number. If that feels too permanent, at least remove it from your favourites and bury it deep in your contacts.
• Mute or unfollow on social media. You don’t need to see their highlight reel while you’re trying to edit your own life’s script. Ignorance, in this case, is truly bliss.
• No “accidental” texts. No “thinking of you” messages. No late-night calls.

This creates the space you need to think clearly and start healing without the constant, painful reminder of what you’ve lost. It’s the digital equivalent of ripping off the plaster.

But what if I still love my ex?

This is the million-dollar question, isn’t it? It’s completely normal to still have feelings. Love doesn’t just switch off. As the professionals at BetterHelp explain, moving on is about accepting that the relationship is over, even if the feelings linger for a while. It’s about learning to separate the love you have for the memory of a person from the reality of your future without them.

Phase Three: The Renaissance of You

Once the initial shockwave has passed and you’ve established some distance, it’s time to shift the focus back to the most important person in this equation: you. Your identity might have become intertwined with your ex, and now is the time to untangle it.